some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
