just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I think my moral compass just broke
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