She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
