I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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