I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
