There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
