I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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