Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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