thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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