I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
if only i could text you this smell
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize