dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
