oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
