Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
