where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
A+ Viking dick
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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