Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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