low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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