went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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