my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
