if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She told me I should be a condom model.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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