i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize