i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
