I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
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