Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
wow bdsm is so cute
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize