sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
