Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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