He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
