YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
