It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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