tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
