I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
did you just send me my own nude
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
