Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
