Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
