i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
