My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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