I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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