sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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