based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
