Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
no, he came in my armpit
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
