"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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