Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
