her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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