Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
