Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
