the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Drunk is not a location!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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