after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Randomize