He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
