He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
