I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
