Only a mothe r could love this liver
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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