Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
