He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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