All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
