You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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