Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
