I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
