You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
