just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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