Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
