I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
