I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
