Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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