he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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