I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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