Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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