Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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