My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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