I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
