When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
