I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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