We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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