quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
