Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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