I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
