he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
