would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize