My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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