Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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