How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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