i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
