so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
